This episode compares relationship types to housing. Read the full blog article on RoadtoRelovery.com.

What kind of relationship tenant are you?

A) Open House – ok, we can call these the Players – these are the individuals that want to walk through everything on the market with no intention to place an offer – they just want to always keep all options open.

B) Leasing Renters – these tenants prefer long-term relationships but always move around the same time; your serial 1-2 year relationships and then get bored and move on.

C) Month to Month Renters – these tenants take everything one day-month at a time. These tenants are content and love their situation. Things are great…until they aren’t.

D) Investors – these are your traditional contract-seeking lifers. They want to spend time seeking out the best match for them and make the one-time decision and legacy for the good, the bad, the gutting and the rehabbing.

Here’s a hilarious article on The Hard Times that is all about the Bs.

Woman Against Meaningless One-Night Stands Prefers Meaningless Two-Year Relationships

I personally am a C; I look at month to month commitment kind of like alcoholics anonymous and their approach sobriety. You don’t jump into an addition cessation program saying, starting today I’m never going to touch this thing ever again forever and ever amen! No – you take it one day at a time. You say, ok I’m going to make it one hour without indulging in this vice. Ok, wow it’s been three hours. Ok, I’m going to make it for the rest of the day. And then you celebrate that day. And then the next day. And the next.

I found a lovely poem about it, too. This is from a blog called Sober Julie.

Yesterday Today and Tomorrow – A Poem For People Wanting Hope

It’s also important to learn how the type of tenant you are can cause issues in your relationship:

1. If you don’t know what type of tenant you are…
2. If you are ashamed of what type of tenant you are.
3. If you changed your mind about what type of tenant you are.

There’s a HUGE amount of risk in being honest – and that one huge risk is rejection. No one wants to feel the stabbing pain of dismissal and heartache and disgust for being vulnerable. That’s why vulnerability is difficult –its risky. Its uncomfortable. But that’s also what its needed to make a good and lasting relationship work. Know yourself. Name your desires and your needs. Don’t settle.

Don’t forget join me on my new Facebook and IG live recordings of the Road to Relovery podcast every Thursday night at 10pm CST.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok: @octaviaaivatco | @roadtorelovery

Xoxo, OR

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Road to Relovery the podcast is BACK!

I was struggling with the vision for this show – rather, I had the vision, but the delivery wasn’t giving me that “this is right” gut feeling.

So I put a pin in it.

Since we’ve been instructed to practice social distancing and take self-isolation seriously, I’ve found great comfort in “going live” on my Facebook and Instagram feeds with a series simply called “Open Studio.” During this time, I would paint, play my cello, dance, do [adult] MadLibs – anything to keep things interesting and connected.

And then I decided, this feels good. This is that gut feeling I was looking for. It’s time to bring back Road to Relovery.

Today’s episode is called Quarantine & Cake and it began with me spiraling about my singleness. Long story short, I have been intentionally single and not-looking since 2017. I didn’t want to be bothered, distracted… or heartbroken anymore. So I gave it up!

And just when I decided to jump back in the ring, two things happened: someone I was finally interested in told me they weren’t ready to be in a relationship. Fine, I thought, we can just have fun. But when I checked in on them, hoping to plan some quality time together, they told me, “So… I’m seeing someone.”

Axe to my heart. Again.

But it was laughable really. And I decided to have fun with it. I wasn’t mad. I was definitely hurt and disappointed, but I wasn’t mad. All I want for everyone is their happiness. And if they met the person that can make them take the leap from “not being ready” to suddenly being “all-in,” then hell yeah! I’m celebrating their connection. This person and I still chat every now and then and I hope we continue to indulge a mutual enjoyment of each other’s company, with respect to, of course the new significant other.

Meanwhile, I’m still single. Groan.

And now there’s a Shelter In Place order, double groan, which eliminates all my bar-hopping, eyes-making contact with the public (only on my kid-free weekends).

And joking about it. I know. People find me attractive and impressive, but I’m still not datable. Maybe it’s because I’m too intimidating and I would take too much work, communication and planning. Maybe I’m just too difficult to date. Or maybe it’s the kids. Go back and listen to my first episode for my tirade on that one. Or maybe because I’m so comfortable with the people I’m interested in, my security may be mistaken for coldness – I don’t really do that false-intimacy infatuation thing. My jam consists of passionate flirting, open communication and emphatic reciprocation. Or maybe someone just doesn’t feel the magnetism I feel – which is perfectly acceptable, too. Whatever the reason, I’m laughing at my rejection to get through the misery.

And truly, it has been a blast.

Until I spiraled.

My friend asked a blanket question on social media checking in on the singles out there. I said, “Forgotten and neglected, but what else is new!”

Heh heh. Triple groan.

And then they said, “I don’t get it, it’s like no one wanting cake at a party.”

Quadruple groan. I’m lonely cake at the party of the century and no one wants to try me.

To hear the conclusion and resolution of my brief spiral, and my prayer for this global pandemic, listen to Episode 2: Quarantine & Cake.

And join me on my new Facebook and IG live recordings of the Road to Relovery podcast every Thursday night at 10pm CST.

Don’t Recover. Adapt.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok: @octaviaaivatco | @roadtorelovery

Xoxo, OR

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